Thursday, January 29, 2015

Ashley's testimony of inspiration, the HG and humility- very touching..

Hey mom, so when I was reading your email, I just had the impression I needed to send you and email, not about my week or anything, but this is just for you. 
I find it interesting your first comments are about wishing for more revelation in your life, and your teaching a RS lesson on understanding the holy ghost... the Lord works in such misterious ways lol. I love talking to you, and I think after my mission I will hopefully be able to help you more, with a little more life experience, but for now, you are still far ahead of me. But, I will try my best to give advice. 
I find there are many moments in the mission when I have desperately pleaded with God to give me just something, anything, and I would be ok. I have found many moments on my knees pleading for help, and not just for me, but about what to do for others. And yet, everytime, its still feels like nothing. I kept wondering, why? why would you be so silent when I am your missionary, my prayers are always trying to be focused on others, I just want to do the right thing. And just this week, I had been studying a lot in my pat. blessing and just studying a lot in PMG chapter 6 the christlike attributes. I have come to find that I have needed to learn so much about patience, and humility. I need to be patient with myself, and most of all the Lord will not work though us with out ultimate humility, in Mosiah 3:19 I believe it sums it up nicely. 
As a missionary my entire life has been trying to listen to the Holy Ghost, every little whisper, and shoot dang we are not even close to perfect. But we try. 
So my 3rd transfer right when I started to train I kept praying, but I lost my heart in the prayer. I became hopeless and that God was not hearing my endless prayers, especially about myself. I forgot the relationship I had with my heavenly father. This past week I knelt down and prayed more fervently than I have in a long while, and thought about my pat. blessing. I thought about my amis. and just telling God what was up in my life, and how I felt. I had a conversation with him, face to face. And it was then, in that moment in my heart I had the same feelings pass over me that did when I prayed asking if I should go on a mission, I remembered why I was here, I remembered that God has so many blessings, that we just put up our umbrellas sometimes and let them fall around us. I remembered our relationship. I remembered that I was his daughter, that no matter what happens, he is always there, its just up to us to listen. 
I believe that when we feel we arent being heard, or we're not feeling like we're getting a response, its becasue the Lord is testing us. Thats why we are here. He knows us perfectly, of course he knows what we need to work on haha. I know for me these last two transfers the Lord was teaching me patience. I needed to remember who He was, and who I am. Through humility, and patience, he gave me the opportunity to remember. 
I encourage you to remember, to pray more and humble yourself to the depths of your heart and know that God is listening.
I was reading in Jesus the Christ about why Jesus asked questions, I mean if he were really the son of God, with all knowing power, why did he ask questions. Well Talmage aswered it. He said in summery, Its just like when a father asks which child ate the cookie, as he clearly sees the crumbs on one childs mouth. He still asks the question so the child can learn honesty, and fess up to what he did. Just like this father, Christ was just the exact same. Christ always asked a question with a moral lesson behind it., Just how I know God will never not answer us with signs if there wasnt a moral lesson we needed to learn.
Let me tell you, there have been noumerous times on my mission that the Lord has taught me lesson after lesson. I know lessons are hard, and its hard to understand the why behind them, but thats where faith comes in. Faith that God knows us perfectly, that we are his children, and that leaves us with a divine potential. We need to constantly remember our parentage, who we are and what we can become. God knows you, he knows your potential. He loves you mom. I love you. I know you are doing the right thing, everything will work out in the end, because you are trying your hardest, and in the end, thats all we can do, and when we have done our best, the Lord will accept it.
Ok as for the lesson:
The Holy Ghost plays a divine role in our work as missionaries, we cant teach with out it. ever. haha. The times when we feel the holy ghost are normally just a question that immedately comes to my mind, and normally in ok french, so I can ask it. haha. I know that asking inspired questions is huge to teaching the gospel.
For me during the day I have realized and recongized how the Holy Ghost speaks to me. Normally its a thought that will come into my mind, and the more I think about it the better I feel. So for instance, if we needed to go somewhere contacting, I say "ok HF, we are looking for a new ami, or we are looking to do service today, where should we go" and immedately something happens, or I get a thought of where to go. Like for instance last night, we had an hour of contacting block before dinner and the minute I stepped outside of my apartment I thought hey we need to walk towards the church. Well we met 3 people who needed service on that route. I know that was the Holy Ghost, and it wasnt anything grand, or spectacular, just an ordinary everyday thought, I've been able to see so much more of HF plan for his children while I have been on the mission. I know we are inspired everyday without even knowing it.
Sorry that really probably didnt help, but for instace the terrorist attack week, we had no idea what was going to happen that week, but God did, and he helped us out.
Ok, now for stuff I have learned:
I heard about the scelle sorry i forgot the english word, in the temple with Adam and Cassy! Thats so cool, I cant believe its been a year! WOW! Time flies! 
I think I have needed a mission for many reasons, but a couple major ones is I have learned on the mission to become dependant on someone, to trust a companion with my life, literally out here in sketch paris ville. lol. I have learned thats its ok to share with someone else your deepest thoughts, and if they crush you, its ok, because you can pick yourself back up and move on. I have learned how to live with another person just two people. I have learned that instead of avoiding problems its better to takle them head on, but to keep as much humility as you can, and always know they are trying their best too. I have learned a lot about families. How much importantance my future family has, and how much of a need I have to get married in the temple. How much I want to get married now.. I finally understand why RM's just want to be married right when they get home, we gain such an understanding of the importance it is to have a family on the earth. Anyway, I've already written too much, so sorry for taking up so much time.
Love you tons,
Your missionary daughter

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing these great messages. They are being read and appreciated and touch and uplift. I hope you are printing and saving these, or plan to create a blog book so Ashley can look back and remember the great and humbling experiences she's had. She has a good family and it's good to get a glimpse of you, through her.