So I thought some more about what I was saying with disobedient missionaries with responsibilities, and I read this email from soeur Ericsksons brother who served as AP in his mission In Guatemala, she asked him the same question and this was his response. (And I want you to know that this is very much real mission life outside the states)
"K. So missions are weird. and some are called to leadership positions within the mission so they can learn things. Remember, leadership positions doesn't always mean they are for leaders. or because they are more obedient. leadership doesn't mean anything. It means that God wants those elders to learn something different. I was a zone leader and busted by butt with an amazing companion that i got along with so well. Two changes later, he went home and I was with an extremely terribly lazy missionary. Let's just say he has a child in Guatemala that was born a few months after his mission. you do the math.... haha so needless to say, he was wicked haha. but we still had some success. He had a cellphone in the mission he would call some girls on every so often. I told him that I'm not his father nor his keeper. Remember that Satan wanted complete control and wouldn't allow us to mess up. I did not prohibit or force him to stop. That's not what we believe in. He could do what he wanted but if it affected me or our investigators in any way then I would make it stop. he respected that but continued to do bad things. I told him I told president and he always liked my honesty. I told president what he was doing and asked why he became a zone leader and why he was a leader in any way. and why he was even on a mission haha. he said, do you know the retention rate in this country. or any country outside the united states? well, it's terrible. We need all the return missionaries we can get to be strong members when they get home. If i send this missionary home, he will never come back to church. he will lead other people away and do Satan's work. But if we have faith in him just like God does, then maybe he can change and be better. I felt inspired to put him into a leadership role to give him responsibility to have him shape up. He told me I should love him for who he is and not for what I see. That I should look to him as if i saw his true potential. After that, i saw him differently. Paige, we never ever know what a person has gone through. No one is perfect and we will never know what is going on in someone's mind when they commit a sin. The only person who does is Christ. And that's why He is the only person who can judge. He knows everything and knows what is going on in that person's head when that sin is being committed. Now remember, that God wants every child of His to come unto Him and join His church. Now, if a missionary is bad and still testifies of the Gospel. if that investigator has that one shot to join the church or forever be cut off, the spirit will still testify to them that it's true. Now, at the end of the day, when that wicked missionary stands before Christ and has to prove himself and answer for all of his sins, as we all will, he/she will feel ashamed. Now, no one is perfect. remember that. I remember one time, this sister missionary trio got 1 lesson a week and 5 contacts. That's terrible for Guatemala. you could walk out the street yell and do better than that. so i called them lazy on the phone when i lost patience. I wasn't perfect then haha and asked for them to forgive me. They didn't improve haha You said i was an amazing missionary. I worked hard yes, but I wasn't perfect Paige. No one is. I had a lot of fun on my mission and enjoyed it a lot. and a lot of people didn't think i was the best or the most obedient missionary. but i had fun and wasn't a robot. You do the same. Never lose your personality or your sense of humor. Don't worry about other missionaries and just love them as Christ would. See them as He would. Now for some advice, Do what the spirit tells you. Tell your mission president what's going on. He will know what to do and give you awesome counsel. This is God's true church but it is has man in it. and we aren't perfect. Just work hard and do your best. Don't give in to peer pressure or anything. When you come home from your mission, you will look back and say, yep i didn't slack and i didn't waste my time or money. I worked hard and God is proud of me. Numbers don't mean a thing. Become converted and gain that testimony."
When I read that it kinda all made sense. I understand now. I need to work on me, and always remember to look at others the way God see's them, which is unlimited potential. When I start looking at people this way, I am able to better understand who they are and where they are coming from. It's easier for me to become charitable towards that child of God, and want to give them the gifts this gospel has to offer. I have to say there have been people on the mission that I have met that meet the same criteria as this "zone leader" but I see it now. We might be looking through our own eyes at first, but when we use the eyes of Christ we can see in a whole new light, not only others, but that continues into ourselves. We need to learn that if God loves these people more than imaginable He loves as just the same. Imagine your own potential, and see what you can give to, and share with others.
More spiritual stuff:
So I was thinking, no matter what happens on this earth or in this life, as long as you are sealed by the power of the priesthood, your good. Like, it never really occurred to me how powerful Gods love truly is. It's eternally perfect. It blows my mind! Oh love, I learn so much about that on this mission.
Love and service. Also I have come to the conclusion that soul mates don't exist. If you are living worthily of the gospel well, there is no such thing as "one chance for happiness" God gives it to you in lots of ways, I believe we can be happy with whoever we choose as long as we continue to strive to put the Lord first and work through our problems, love will always be there. We are given the opportunity to create our own soul mates.
Anyway just some randomness crazy thoughts,
Je t'aime avec tout mon cœur!