This week has been a difficult one for me ( Kirsten). I got released from my calling as 1st counselor in the Relief Society Presidency and then when they came to ask me about a new calling it was for the Gospel Doctrine teacher. I will give you a little background.
Over the last months I have felt like my scripture study was good, I love reading the Book of Mormon for the most part and usually get up, sometimes walk Kona, then get ready and give myself about 10-15 minutes for scriptures. I always feel like I should spend more time reading but I feel compelled to get off to work. So in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to do more study but hadn't prioritized actually doing it. Then I read a mini book this week called 'One Drop at a time" by M. Russell Ballard. In it I read a line that really struck me. He stated " the doctrine and gospel of Christ is the only way to obtain eternal life. Only when our testimony transcends what is in our mind and burrows deep into our heart will our motivation to love and to serve become like unto the Savior's. This deeply affected my thinking because my mind is very strong and I think I just can't give up my pride and let the spirit guide me in every way. Then they asked me to be the teacher and I knew it was the Lord's way of making me do what I already knew I needed to do. I also read this section of scripture which seemed to speak more directly to me at the very time I needed to hear it than any other scripture ever has.
Alma 32 which talks about being compelled to be humble, then in vs 21- faith is not a perfect knowledge, then Alma 34:31-31 Harden not your heart, now is the time to prepare , VS 33, do not procrastinate vs 38 contend no more with the Holy Ghost, but receive it, and humble yourself. Vs 40 have patience. I knew I had to accept after this but I still found it very difficult to face. I had a rough week with Rob giving me a hard time about having the missionaries and I felt so very alone in my church responsibilities which kept making me find every excuse still to turn down the calling. I think that Satan knows my insecurities and made it very difficult for me with little support from Rob. Anyhow, I still made a million excuses when I accepted but they persisted and here I am. I pray that I can find ways to facilitate a discussion each week that will lift and strengthen.
Oddly, I had also recently told myself that I would willing serve whenever asked. I have observed this quality in others and wanted to emulate it. This was a real tester of that commitment. I feel incredibly inadequate, and you, my family, know more than anyone that I am the least qualified. I will however try, each week to prepare.
I got a lot done in the yard, the rain has returned. I went to Beaverton this Sunday and spent the day with Mom and Melinda and Eric & Paige and Robbie. Hailey was super sick, throwing up, so that was sad, but we had a nice dinner and Eric is treating me so nicely. I love him. I am so thankful for forgiveness. I am so excited for Courtney to come in a couple weeks. I planted the garden tomatoes and flowers in the yard. I forgot to order the hardware for a case for Rob and he was very forgiving.
Everything else is rolling along,